Mom, Defined.

Someone asked me recently how I define the term "mom." While many people may default to whomever gave birth to them, my answer is a little more complicated.

• A mom to me is someone who has always loved me since I came into her life. 
• A mom will support me, even if she doesn't agree with my actions. 
• Mom will take care of you and try her hardest to keep you healthy and happy. A mom would even sacrifice her happiness for her children's.
• A mom is someone I can tell anything to, and I'll know she'll never leave my side through good times or bad. 
• A mom teaches her children everything she knows because she only wants the best for them. 
• I can always trust my mom. A mom will never lie to me (except that one time when she switched my pet bird out with another and didn't tell my brother and I for at least 5 years! ;) ). 
• A mom will tell you straight-up if she thinks you're making a bad decision. 
• A mom will never try to hurt me on purpose, especially physically!  
• A mom will always make me feel better when I'm sick. She always seems to know the cure.
• Moms will try to lift you up on those really hard days.
• A mom always seems to make the best home-made food. 
• A mom can remember things about their child that even they might forget. 
• A mom will always want to be your Valentine.
• A mom will stand up for you even when no one else will.
• A mom to me will help mold their child's life by introducing them to new food, cultures, religion, sports, music, and educational opportunities, but she'll never try to hold her child back or restrict learning about something new even if it worries her. 
• Moms will always want to know what's new with their children. 

I guess I don't agree that a "mom" is simply one who gives birth to a child. There is a lot more attached to that word for me. For that reason, I am having difficulty calling my birth mother, "mom." I have dedicated hours of this topic to a few unlucky friends, and I have realized that I just can't do it and there's nothing wrong with that. Yes, Teodora gave birth to me. Yes, she is my birth mom. But she has not had the chance to be my "mom" yet. 

Things may change and it may become easier to one day call her "mom," but based on my definition, I know she'll never replace my mom completely. My mama fits my "mom" description. She's who I based my definition off, so how could she ever be replaced?

Yes, I'm about to quote Tupac. "Ain't a woman alive that could take my mama's place." :)

I know my birth mom wanted the best for me from day 1; she knew she couldn't give me what I needed- food, education, a home. I know now that she still has plenty of love to give me and has never forgotten about me, but does that mean she automatically becomes my "mom?"

The worst part is that I have to somehow tell my birth mom that I feel uncomfortable with calling her "mom." Can you imagine how hard that's going to be?? I know there are a few out there reading this who can relate in some way- with a step parent or birth parent. It gets sticky with birth parents because by dictionary definition, they are your "mom." I'm just worried that she'll be upset. I'm not sure if I should just start calling her Dora or if I should try to explain my feelings and let her know that I'm thankful to have found her, but that this is a lot to take in and that'd I'd like to take things at a slow pace...?

The reason this naming thing is an issue at all is that within the first few days of knowing my birth mom, she started saying that she loved me.... 

Love is another word that deserves its own blog post, but it should be obvious to you by now that this whole situation has caused a lot of confusion. I feel guilty that I could deny my own "mother" her title. Isn't it a birth right? I realize that I'm lucky to have two women who consider me their daughter since there are many people who have lost their mothers, but I can't deny this inner conflict that has arisen. While there's no replacement for my mom, there may be space for two moms someday...but it'll definitely take time.