The other night, a few girls and I went out to eat sushi at Tabetai (again). Four of the girls were from Colombia, one was from France, and you all should know by now that I grew up in the States. Their company was much-needed that day. I had just finished writing El Mundo Machista and I was exhausted from dealing with the devil tourists- I just wanted sushi and some good conversation!
We got onto the topic of one of the girl's relationships. Let's just call her 'Samantha.' Samantha made a general comment about the men in Colombia not knowing how to appropriately please their women in bed (imagine a more graphic term that Samantha might use- just trying to keep this blog parent-readable). She went on to say that they just didn't seem to care how their women felt, as long as they 'got off.' The ladies around the table began shaking their heads and telling similar stories about the Colombian men they had been with. Here we go again, I thought to myself, and gently suggested the term we were all dancing around, machismo. The table exploded in agreement.
"Yes, exactly," said 'Carrie.' "These guys cheat on their wives and girlfriends with no consequences, and then wonder why their partners turn into crazy, insecure monsters!" Carrie was pissed that women were made to look like the bad-guys when they were, in fact, the innocent victims."They can sleep around and STILL get a pat on the back by the women's brother," said 'Miranda.' Yes, the brothers, mothers, AND fathers will actually cheer a man on for cheating on THEIR daughter! I nearly choked on my Dragon roll (it's my fav). I wish I had asked if they 'cheer on' domestic violence, too.
Meanwhile, 'Charlotte' was sitting on the far side of the table, and when prompted by a friend, admitted that she had a Colombian boyfriend. The table fell silent, waiting for her rebuttal of these accusations against Colombian men. More silence....
There are serious relationship/life consequences with this sexist attitude of men toward women. It's the same in most countries when a man abuses a woman, or vice-versa. The victim ends up believing they're to blame and, inadvertently, causes the abuser to continue his/her abuse. Typically, the man sees he can get away with the cheating and physical/mental abuse because the woman keeps coming back...it's what she's used to, and her parents and friends justify his manly actions. It's what her society says is 'normal.' The men have this machista support from their family, friends, and culture...and don't waste another minute thinking about the possible consequences.
The sad part is, there are lots of Colombian women who start to believe that that's their place in relationships, and in a greater sense, the world population. They fall into the subordinate hole and don't make it back out. These women start thinking that men can disrespect them in any way imaginable because they deserve it for some reason.
Fortunately, the strong, independent Sex & the City type women I was with at this sushi restaurant in Colombia had had enough. They knew this machista way of life was B.S. and were not going to fall into the same unhealthy patterns their predecessors did. I hope from them, and from the women who inspired them, there will be a wave of independent women setting the record straight.
'Sex & the City' was actually brought up in our conversation before we started talking about machismo. While some may think this is just another silly, popular TV show, it may actually be just the right kind of influence women in Colombia need.
