La Fuerza De Una Mujer (The Strength of a Woman)

I consider myself a tough woman able to withstand physical pain. I'm not the type of female to cry if I get into an accident, unless it's a really serious one. Playing sports for the majority of my life and having strong role-models (like my mom) made me into the powerful woman I am today. My friends in the States are the same way, most likely for the same reasons.
I recently fell into a hole within the spiral staircase in our hotel. As strong as I may be, I am quite clumsy (as many of you know), but I don't let small things like falling down the stairs slow me down! I was running down the stairs, trying to help a guest out, when I slipped on some water and fell into the hole. I started laughing, but my co-workers were shocked and terrified. Within 5 seconds, the male security guard on duty had raced to my side to help me out of the hole. I told him I could do it myself and used the stairs to leverage my body out. As soon as I took my first step out of the hole, I rushed to our safe box to get the keys I had originally been after. My female colleagues were begging me to stop in my tracks and lay down, but I finished my job before even looking at the damage done.
One shallow cut on my left leg accompanied by a huge bruise, which didn't show for a few hours, a small cut on my right knee, and two scrapped up elbows with small bruises that formed later. It really wasn't that bad, and I probably only fell a little over a foot. I had been successful in stopping my fall by using the walls (hence the scrapped up elbows). Staring at me as if I had just fallen off the roof, one of my co-workers said, as if surprised, "you're not crying (translated)?" I figured she was joking, but she never cracked a smile and just stood there waiting for me to reply.
I know women my age in Colombia are strong. Many persevered through tougher times than most, experiencing everything from poverty to drug and civil violence. Yet, hardly any women here portray the same strength as that of an American woman. American women are tough. Most of my American friends are athletes and continue to exercise, play sports, and keep fit. The majority of women in Colombia do nothing of the sort. When I asked my friends if they played any sports growing up, they all laughed and said that sports are for boys. No joke. They don't like to be considered "tough"= that's an adjective reserved for a man's character. Yup, back to machismo.
I guess Colombian women's strength could be described more effectively as endurance. They are clearly capable of being as tough as other women around the world, but they don't seem to want that label. I know a few of my colleagues look up to me, and I don't plan on changing my ways while I live here. I hope to show those who care just how strong a woman can be...on all fronts.

A Sex & The City-Type Noche

The other night, a few girls and I went out to eat sushi at Tabetai (again). Four of the girls were from Colombia, one was from France, and you all should know by now that I grew up in the States. Their company was much-needed that day. I had just finished writing El Mundo Machista and I was exhausted from dealing with the devil tourists- I just wanted sushi and some good conversation!

We got onto the topic of one of the girl's relationships. Let's just call her 'Samantha.' Samantha made a general comment about the men in Colombia not knowing how to appropriately please their women in bed (imagine a more graphic term that Samantha might use- just trying to keep this blog parent-readable).  She went on to say that they just didn't seem to care how their women felt, as long as they 'got off.' The ladies around the table began shaking their heads and telling similar stories about the Colombian men they had been with. Here we go again, I thought to myself, and gently suggested the term we were all dancing around, machismo. The table exploded in agreement.

"Yes, exactly," said 'Carrie.' "These guys cheat on their wives and girlfriends with no consequences, and then wonder why their partners turn into crazy, insecure monsters!" Carrie was pissed that women were made to look like the bad-guys when they were, in fact, the innocent victims.

"They can sleep around and STILL get a pat on the back by the women's brother," said 'Miranda.' Yes, the brothers, mothers, AND fathers will actually cheer a man on for cheating on THEIR daughter! I nearly choked on my Dragon roll (it's my fav). I wish I had asked if they 'cheer on' domestic violence, too.

Meanwhile, 'Charlotte' was sitting on the far side of the table, and when prompted by a friend, admitted that she had a Colombian boyfriend. The table fell silent, waiting for her rebuttal of these accusations against Colombian men. More silence....

There are serious relationship/life consequences with this sexist attitude of men toward women. It's the same in most countries when a man abuses a woman, or vice-versa. The victim ends up believing they're to blame and, inadvertently, causes the abuser to continue his/her abuse. Typically, the man sees he can get away with the cheating and physical/mental abuse because the woman keeps coming back...it's what she's used to, and her parents and friends justify his manly actions. It's what her society says is 'normal.' The men have this machista support from their family, friends, and culture...and don't waste another minute thinking about the possible consequences.

The sad part is, there are lots of Colombian women who start to believe that that's their place in relationships, and in a greater sense, the world population. They fall into the subordinate hole and don't make it back out. These women start thinking that men can disrespect them in any way imaginable because they deserve it for some reason.

Fortunately, the strong, independent Sex & the City type women I was with at this sushi restaurant in Colombia had had enough. They knew this machista way of life was B.S. and were not going to fall into the same unhealthy patterns their predecessors did. I hope from them, and from the women who inspired them, there will be a wave of independent women setting the record straight.

'Sex & the City' was actually brought up in our conversation before we started talking about machismo. While some may think this is just another silly, popular TV show, it may actually be just the right kind of influence women in Colombia need.

El Mundo Machista

Yesterday I went with my boss, two male French tourists, and a Colombian chica on a private boat tour to the Rosario Islands. I thought it was really nice of the two Frenchmen to invite me to come along considering I wouldn't be able to afford a private boat by myself. We went to Isla Cholón for the day, which is a private island opposite Isla de Baru (where Playa Blanca is located). On the way over, we spotted a school of 10 dolphins- it made me want to go diving again soon. The water was super warm, clear, and calm on Colón so we were able to sit in the water and talk.

I got a chance to talk quite a bit with the Colombian girl who had come along. I was baffled by her decision to be with this tourist because she is so beautiful and nice- not that he isn't, but he is significantly older (upper 30s) and not anything special. She told me she was 24 and from Bogotá, but had come to Cartagena to make more money for herself and her 7-year old son. She said she had left Bogotá in a hurry because she was trying to get away from her ex, who she described as 'machismo.' She said that a lot of the men here are 'machismo'- definitely not the first time I've heard about this (our Spanish class even had a discussion about 'machismo' in Colombia in comparison to the US). This woman's ex didn't allow her to work or study, he never allowed her to pay for things, and to top it off, he was physically abusing her. He was obviously trying to control everything she did. She told me that she had wanted to be more independent and in control, so she got up and left.
Interested, I asked what line of work she was in and she then told me she was working at that moment. This beautiful girl who studied through college, found the courage to leave an abusive relationship, and wanted to become more independent and in control, had decided to become an escort. I was so disappointed and told her that she could do much better. I didn't want to be too aggressive with my words, but I outright told her that she was in the wrong line of work. I didn't understand how she felt like she was in control of 'machismo' if she was an escort. Yes, I understand that women in jobs such as these feel in control because they decide who they want to go home with and sleep with, but in the end, I have always felt that they are simply a product for sale.
So while it was nice to have food and drinks paid for and to be able to go on a private boat trip, I felt extremely uncomfortable after I learned more about these guys. I didn't want them to feel in control of me, buying me everything (Note: while writing this, my boss told me that their credit card had been declined over 5 times. We figured they were spending a lot of cash and thought it best to ask for their payment now rather than wait...hmph). Plus, as nice as this girl was, I didn't want locals to think I was in the same line of work!

I wonder how being an escort makes her feel. She is definitely working this deal to her advantage- got a new pair of shoes, convinced him to buy tix to a reggaeton concert, got good food, drinks, private boat trip, and a lot of cash, but there were times when she looked very uneasy. My boss told me that our French clients wanted to take him and I out, and we should really go to be polite. I went because I wanted to see how she was treated and because I'd get to see a few of the elite clubs I had never been to so I could tell future clients about them. These are the types of tourists who like to sleep all day and party until 6 am, so I knew it would be a different kind of noche. This chica looked uncomfortable at various times during the night and would come up to me and tell me that she saw a guy who had used her services or that she saw other girls in the same business. I'm not sure if she was embarrassed to see people she knew because they knew what she was doing or what the situation was exactly. (Picture note: Just being silly in the pic to the right...ha!)
At first I was surprised at the amount of girls partaking in the escort business (they were at the ritzy clubs as well as the cheaper ones), but then I figured they're a product in demand and 'machismo' definitely plays a role in this demand. This girl was used to being treated in this manner by her 'machismo' boyfriend, so I'm assuming her situation is pretty common. My co-worker said the escort business is so big here that it's almost normal for girls to get into this business. While 'machismo' varies by culture, Colombian women have seen the opportunity to sell their company as the 'subordinate' and try to use it to their profit. It's an interesting dynamic. Who's using who? Either way, it's a problem that needs to be addressed here (and everywhere) and seems to be overlooked, especially during busy holidays like Cartagena's Independence Day/National Beauty Pageant.
Machismo deserves more discussion, but I don't have time to write more. I have a feeling this topic will come up quite a bit during my travels as I observe the culture here and try to figure out what exactly happened with my birth father who disappeared on my birth mom when she was pregnant with me. To be continued....{Title accredited to Lizety, my co-worker and amiga, who said it while we were talking about machismo guys all over the world}