The Locator

"You can't find peace until you find all the pieces." ~Troy Dunn

One of my good friends told me about a TV show called The Locator in which Troy Dunn, the star of the show, works with his team to locate lost family members and friends. There have been several shows like this one in the past few years, but I don't usually take the time to watch them. With heavy, emotional storylines, these shows are sure to move scores of people to tears. Touching stories, they leave most with a warm, peaceful feeling inside. I, however, get something entirely different from these shows. I tend to feel anxious and sometimes even become morose as I watch these strangers reunite with their family's, but more recently, I have been taking mental notes on what seems to make these reunions more comfortable for both parties. Shows like The Locator, bring up emotions that don't come out normally- they're overwhelming to watch sometimes. I know exactly how these people feel...and, truthfully, I can't imagine how it must be to have a camera in my face during such an intense reunion. While my adoption is a little different than these reunions (language barrier, international adoption), it's nice to be able to imagine what it could be like if I do get to meet my biological mom.

I have decided to write and send a letter before I go to Cali. In The Locator, Troy Dunn always serves as the intermediary who lets the missing family member know that someone is looking for them. This gives the searched party a chance to think about what they will say when they come face-to-face with the person who has been searching for them. I want to tell Teodora that I've been looking for her and that I'm coming to meet her. She deserves to know that I'm coming. I don't want to shock or hurt her. Plus, I don't know who may or may not know in the family and I don't want to cause any drama or pain. As a few Colombians have told me, adoption in Colombia is not taken lightly. They place high importance on family and Catholicism, so I want to make sure I don't cause a bad situation. I just want to see her.

In one of the episodes on The Locator, an adoptee brings childhood photos of herself to show her birth mom. I think that photos would be great to have on hand when I go to Cali so Teodora can see what I looked like growing up.

While most of what will be said or asked in Cali will be unplanned, it's nice to see what has and hasn't worked for others. Over the holidays, I've had a chance to talk to my close friends and family about what I'm expecting, but it's hard to really explain the growing anxiety and fear within because they've never been through it. I don't want something to be misconstrued and accidentally hurt someone else's feelings. Here, the thin line between empathy and sympathy does stand out, so this tv show really is helping me search within to understand my feelings and thoughts about needing to find that missing piece and it's also helping me feel more prepared in case I do get the opportunity to meet my birth mom.

**Kudos to the producers of The Locator- I bet they didn't realize they'd be giving me much more than just another sentimental reality tv show to watch.**